Commitment to anything is hard work. I have to admit that I haven't really commited 100 % of my heart to anything in the past two years except for completing my 2 year contract out here in Saipan. After Saipan I don't even really know where I'm going or what I want to do. Making plans is tiresome for me and frankly I'm tired of being disappointed.
Today was a milestone for me. Coach Mike continues to push me to swim faster in the pool. Though he sometimes yells at me for "pausing" at the other side of the pool . . . it makes me want to work harder. He finally told me that I have to stop surviving and start challenging myself. So he made me commit to my first 400 meters without stopping.
So this morning I swam my first 400 meters without stopping! Woo hoo! That may not sound like a big deal to you but for me . . . its huge! I remember swimming with EJ for the first time about three months ago and not being able to complete even one lap. I was pathetic. I kept thinking how am I ever going to ever get up to par. But after finishing my 400 meters this morning I felt so happy. I know, its werid to be so happy over something so small. But I haven't been this happy in a long time. My self- doubt is slowing going away and I am starting to remember the sweet benefits of commitment.