Commitment . . . Not Such A Bad Thing.

Commitment to anything is hard work. I have to admit that I haven't really commited 100 % of my heart to anything in the past two years except for completing my 2 year contract out here in Saipan. After Saipan I don't even really know where I'm going or what I want to do. Making plans is tiresome for me and frankly I'm tired of being disappointed.

Today was a milestone for me. Coach Mike continues to push me to swim faster in the pool. Though he sometimes yells at me for "pausing" at the other side of the pool . . . it makes me want to work harder. He finally told me that I have to stop surviving and start challenging myself. So he made me commit to my first 400 meters without stopping.

So this morning I swam my first 400 meters without stopping! Woo hoo! That may not sound like a big deal to you but for me . . . its huge! I remember swimming with EJ for the first time about three months ago and not being able to complete even one lap. I was pathetic. I kept thinking how am I ever going to ever get up to par. But after finishing my 400 meters this morning I felt so happy. I know, its werid to be so happy over something so small. But I haven't been this happy in a long time. My self- doubt is slowing going away and I am starting to remember the sweet benefits of commitment.

5:30 AM Crew

Early morning conversation between EJ and me at Marpi pool.

Ej: You ready?
Me: (sigh)
EJ: Let’s go girl
Me: How many meters did Coach Mike say?
EJ: 1900 meters
EJ: 400 meters warm up, 900 meters alternate easy, moderate, and hard swim, 300 meters . . . blah blah blah
Me: I may die in the middle of this.
EJ: (laughs)

Swimming is s-l-o-w-l-y starting to grow on me. It’s definitely my weakest link while training for the upcoming triathlon. Towards the end I always feel like I can’t make it. I guess that’s the greatest challenge though . . . overcoming my doubts about myself. So I’ll tri harder and I’ll keep going. Note to self: Don’t ever give up.