As I kneeled on the platform one by one the hands of my friends and family touched my shoulders as my pastor prayed for me. A million things were going through my head during my missionary dedication that took place at the Garden Grove SDA church almost two years ago. I was about to embark on spiritual journey.
One thought was how will my spiritual journey in Saipan change me? I knew that change was inevitable but I wasn't sure exactly how I would change. As silly as this sounds I was scared God was going to turn me into one of those REALLY religious followers. Some people refer to them as the "bible thumpers". I really dreaded that thought. For those of you who really know me, know that I'm more spiritual than religious. I simply just wanted to follow God. And I wanted to dedicate the years that I'd spend here to learn more about Him and to share with others what He has done in my life.
First off, I had this idea that missionaries had unshakable faith. I also thought missionaries always came back home stronger in their faith after serving time in the mission field. I have learned that being a missionary doesn't make you any less susceptible to experiencing weak moments and doubts. There was a point when I even questioned the existence of God and the existence of organized religion.
My spiritual experience in Saipan has been the hardest point in my life. It has challenged me to think about what It is I actually believe not just what I was taught all of my life.
Though I struggle with my spiritual daily walk I know that no matter what phase I am in my walk . . He will always meet me where I am at.