As I kneeled on the platform one by one the hands of my friends and family touched my shoulders as my pastor prayed for me. A million things were going through my head during my missionary dedication that took place at the Garden Grove SDA church almost two years ago. I was about to embark on spiritual journey.
One thought was how will my spiritual journey in Saipan change me? I knew that change was inevitable but I wasn't sure exactly how I would change. As silly as this sounds I was scared God was going to turn me into one of those REALLY religious followers. Some people refer to them as the "bible thumpers". I really dreaded that thought. For those of you who really know me, know that I'm more spiritual than religious. I simply just wanted to follow God. And I wanted to dedicate the years that I'd spend here to learn more about Him and to share with others what He has done in my life.
First off, I had this idea that missionaries had unshakable faith. I also thought missionaries always came back home stronger in their faith after serving time in the mission field. I have learned that being a missionary doesn't make you any less susceptible to experiencing weak moments and doubts. There was a point when I even questioned the existence of God and the existence of organized religion.
My spiritual experience in Saipan has been the hardest point in my life. It has challenged me to think about what It is I actually believe not just what I was taught all of my life.
Though I struggle with my spiritual daily walk I know that no matter what phase I am in my walk . . He will always meet me where I am at.
3 comments:
We are sad to hear that you are leaving Saipan. You have had a big impact on the lives of people there and are going to be missed.
I totally identify with this blog on sprituality. I know I am going to go through times of doubt for my entire life. Attempting a relationship with a God we cannot 100% prove is crazy. It is also crazy though, that I have not found anywhere else the peace and joy I find in christ, prayer and the scriptures. Organized religion is an even further stretch, but it is where we meet friends on the same journey.
We wish we could have gotten to know you better. May God be near to you as you start the next chapter in your life. We will keep on diving for you. Borneo next month. Hee hee. We will be looking forward to pics from Palau. Peace and love.
Eric and Dixie
Dixie and Eric,
I'll miss you guys too. So happy that I got to meet and dive with you! At least I know I'll always have friends in Guam. Email me on myspace whenever you make it down to socal=) Take care.
B
Oh Bev...So you decided to be back for good?...I'm sure you've done your part doing the mission that God intended, but I'm sure He wanted you to do more...You can tell it's actually already taken you to the next level in your spiritual life...I'll be praying that as life goes on you'll continually have answers to the many questions you have about your belief and where you stand...Can't wait to see you here, SOON...
Shem
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